Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Alexis update
Ok so it took me a few days to get this update up but it's worth the wait!! Alexis got out of picu last Sunday and back to her regular room. She continued to improve throughout the week and on Friday they let her out of the hospital!! She still needs to stick close to the hospital and since they live several hours away they are staying at a hotel close by.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Alexis update
Directly from the source (Katie)...
Alexis is doing so much better! She was transfered out of picu on Sunday (?) afternoon (the days run together here) and she spent all of yesterday laughing and playing. She is only hooked up to 4 pumps instead of 8 and when she starts eating enough to maintain herself....they're gonna let us out!! :)
Alexis is doing so much better! She was transfered out of picu on Sunday (?) afternoon (the days run together here) and she spent all of yesterday laughing and playing. She is only hooked up to 4 pumps instead of 8 and when she starts eating enough to maintain herself....they're gonna let us out!! :)
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Alexis update
Katie sent me a message a bit ago saying that they are moving Alexis into pediatric intensive care this morning. She is having an issue with retaining fluid and has pneumonia in her right lung. She is on oxygen. Please please please keep praying for her.
Friday, October 29, 2010
New Alexis picture
Michelle - Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Knit by Michelle - fundraising for Alexis
I am a knitter, I believe I have mentioned this before. I have started making items to sell to help raise money for Katie and her family. I have been making things as people order them but I am thinking of making up one or two special things and setting up an Ebay auction. Since I can only knit so fast I am thinking this has the potential to bring in overall more money for them since individual items bring in some money but a nationwide auction for something like this I think would really have the potential to raise some money. What do you think? Here are a few of the items I have made so far...
Alexis update
Alexis had her stem cell transplant done on Tuesday. She looks terrible and she sleeps a lot but sometimes she has enough energy to play. That night she patted her bald head and said lotion....apparently her head felt dry! lol!!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Alexis update
Alexis was admitted to the hospital this morning. Her little brother William was there but will not be able to be there again for quite a while due to her exposure limitations. She starts chemo tomorrow. Her 7th round and this one is the big one to prep her body for the stem cell transplant. She has a new round of doctors now, a new routine and new ways of getting things done. The world is pretty stressful right now, please keep the family in your thoughts and prayers.
Michelle
P.S. I have had several people asking me about sending cards to Alexis. Please email me privately for a mailing address.
Michelle
P.S. I have had several people asking me about sending cards to Alexis. Please email me privately for a mailing address.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Arabian stallion looking for a home
NO NOT MARQUIS!!
Ok now that THAT is clear lol.
Firdausi is 14 years old. He's a Straight Egyptian Arabian stallion. He is by Zedann and out of Malkata (after you click on her name, scroll down to view her photo), here is his full pedigree He was bred to Desert Suez 5 times. Pictures below are two of his babies.
Be aware there is some drama involving Firdausi. He is owned by a friend and being taken care of by another friend. They are no longer friends and there is much animosity between the two now. Most people have not wanted to deal with the drama in order to get this nice stallion. He is worth it. His owner, his original breeder and his caretaker all agree he needs to be moved sooner rather than later for the sanity of all involved so hopefully all the drama can be put aside and ignored for his sake. He deserves to be somewhere where he is loved. Is that with you? If so contact me and I will put you in touch with all involved parties. Firdausi is located in California. Firdausi found a home, thanks.
Ok now that THAT is clear lol.
Firdausi is 14 years old. He's a Straight Egyptian Arabian stallion. He is by Zedann and out of Malkata (after you click on her name, scroll down to view her photo), here is his full pedigree He was bred to Desert Suez 5 times. Pictures below are two of his babies.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Racism
Does racism still exist? Of course it does, it is alive and well, unfortunately. I am not talking about immigration issues, whether this person or that person should be allowed into or to remain in our country. That's a whole different topic from what I am talking about. Please note I didn't say it's not related and I didn't say it's not relevant nor important, just that that's not what I want to talk about today.
I am talking about flat out, my skin is white and yours is not so therefore you are less of a person than I am, racism. It is there. It is one of the most frustrating things to ever exist. There are still KKK out there, plotting how to rid the world of those they feel are inferior to them. How sad.
Just as sad is the fact that as horrible as direct racism is, it is damaging not only in the immediacy of it, but also damages the psyche of those it effects and it carries long term damage. People who have been exposed to racism are hurt by it and their outlook on life is also hurt by it and how they interact with others is affected by both direct and indirect racism.
To be clear, it is no secret I am white. Clear and through as far as I know, I have no black relatives, I grew up in a lily white town and remember it was big news in my senior year when we had a black family move in to town and their two kids joined our school. As an adult I have dated black guys, I was engaged to one. I lived in his world and was introduced to racism first hand both in the general sense and directly as I am sure many are aware of the abuse that can be directed at those who align themselves with targets, so to speak. But no matter what I saw and heard, no matter that I used to live in a "rough" part of town, no matter that I was raised by a cultural anthropologist that taught me to be aware of those who are different from us, embrace their differences and to look with open eyes to be aware of those who hate because of those differences, I am still a white girl and will never be able to fully understand the evils of racism and what it really means to live in the face of extreme racism.
Having said that and getting back to my original point. I find it incredibly sad that there is still enough racism in this country and in the minds of people that a person, either through conditioning brought on by direct exposure to racism or by indirectly being taught about racism, is so conditioned that racism is out there, when slighted for anything, their first inclination is to holler racism.
For example I was shopping at Goodwill a couple of weeks ago. It was approaching closing time and those of us in the store were getting up to the register to check out. There were shelves of smaller items close to the register and two older black ladies, myself and a hispanic woman around my age were all taking turns looking at the stuff on these shelves. The cashier was neatening racks nearby and when she saw us all up there, came up to the register and asked if anyone was ready to check out. The hispanic lady and I said no not yet, the one black lady had wandered off and the other indicated she was waiting for her friend to be ready. So the cashier stood there for a bit, asked again if anyone was ready, got no response and went back to the rack she was working on. As she was walking away, the second black lady came back to the register and, to her friend, said "What, is she not going to wait on us or something?". They continued to complain to each other about the announcement that the store was closing ("I wear a watch, I know what time it is"), that the cashier was not there, etc. One aggressively banged the bell on the counter DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING.
The cashier poked her head out from an aisle and said she would be right there. In the couple of minutes it took her to get up there, they continued to rail about it. When the cashier returned, she was followed closely by the other cashier, a young man. The ladies huffed at each other and one asked the cashier "So are YOU going to ring me up or do you need HIM to do it?" The cashier looked slightly confused and said she thought she could handle it. The first lady put her couple of things on the counter, said she wasn't buying them after all. Her friend did the same thing and as they stomped to the door they chattered to each other about how the cashier was racist and had to go get a man to come protect her from the black people.
After they left we all just looked at each other and the cashier said that in actuality she HAD gone to get him - because there was also a man in the store (that left as the ladies were putting their items on the counter) and the last time that man was in the store he had been harassing the cashier and making lewd comments to her. As she was checking me out, she told the hispanic lady behind me that she was again sorry for having taken the lady's cart away while she was in the restroom. The lady jokingly said that the cashier had only done that because she was hispanic. We all laughed, I gathered my stuff and left as she checked out. As I was getting in my car, the two black ladies were just driving away and one screamed out the window at me "REDNECK RACIST BITCH". Now whether she was talking to me or just at the store itself I can't be sure, if at me why? Because I continued with my purchases? If I had thought the ladies were being discriminated against, I would have joined them in declining my purchases. Was it just because I was there? Because I was white? I don't know but either way it only saddened me further.
I feel so sorry for those ladies that either they have experienced so much racism that it is just expected and the only logical explanation for anything that goes wrong in their day or that they have been raised to believe it regardless of how much racism they have directly experienced (I am a realist enough to believe it highly unlikely that they have NEVER experienced racism).
A woman I know, we will call her Matilda, is extremely racist. Matilda's significant other is even worse. He might be Klan, it wouldn't surprise me a bit, I know he knows Klan members. I know this because about 8 or 9 years ago when him and my mom worked together, my uncle was mugged up in Michigan. The boys who did it were black and this guy asked my mom if she wanted him to hook her up with some Klan members to hunt those boys down. Thankfully he no longer works there (was fired after physically threatening my mom but that's another story) but Matilda and my mom are friends despite her racist attitude. And racist she certainly is. Back when I was dating Frankie, mom hated him. I had never dated a black guy before and her and I both thought that racism was in fact raising it's ugly head in our home. It turned out mom hated him for HIM, not because he was black.
Anyways, at the time Matilda certainly helped fuel mom's hatred of him in many ways and helped her in trying to break us up simply because Matilda believes it is absolutely, 100% morally wrong to date outside your own ethnicity (I personally HATE the word "race" as we are all the human race, I know most people consider it to be correct and whether it is or not, I can't bring myself to use it). I guess whether you believe that or not is 100% the issue as much as WHY you believe it or not. Some people believe in "breeding pure" in order to preserve ethnic blood and values and such. It's not that they think any less of others, it's just a matter of being true to your own people I guess. I can see the logic in that I suppose. I don't necessarily agree with it in the way of telling others what to do but if that's what you believe I can't really fault you for following through on it. That's not Matilda's train of thought though. She honestly, 100% believes that white people are superior and that we should not "lower ourselves" to date anyone else. The very idea of it actually sickens her. That sickens me. That level of hatred for other humans. I just can't comprehend and don't understand.
I think that's what gets me the most, what is at the heart of it. Hatred. Why do we so often need to hate SOMEBODY. So many people just seem to need that and I don't understand it. Perhaps it comes down to self love? Maybe Dan at Single Dad Laughing knows. He hasn't talked about racism specifically but he is all about loving each other and trying to make the world a better place by eliminating hatred and the things hatred feeds. Let's join him, shall we?
*edited to clarify that it is not my mom who is horrifically racist*
I am talking about flat out, my skin is white and yours is not so therefore you are less of a person than I am, racism. It is there. It is one of the most frustrating things to ever exist. There are still KKK out there, plotting how to rid the world of those they feel are inferior to them. How sad.
Just as sad is the fact that as horrible as direct racism is, it is damaging not only in the immediacy of it, but also damages the psyche of those it effects and it carries long term damage. People who have been exposed to racism are hurt by it and their outlook on life is also hurt by it and how they interact with others is affected by both direct and indirect racism.
To be clear, it is no secret I am white. Clear and through as far as I know, I have no black relatives, I grew up in a lily white town and remember it was big news in my senior year when we had a black family move in to town and their two kids joined our school. As an adult I have dated black guys, I was engaged to one. I lived in his world and was introduced to racism first hand both in the general sense and directly as I am sure many are aware of the abuse that can be directed at those who align themselves with targets, so to speak. But no matter what I saw and heard, no matter that I used to live in a "rough" part of town, no matter that I was raised by a cultural anthropologist that taught me to be aware of those who are different from us, embrace their differences and to look with open eyes to be aware of those who hate because of those differences, I am still a white girl and will never be able to fully understand the evils of racism and what it really means to live in the face of extreme racism.
Having said that and getting back to my original point. I find it incredibly sad that there is still enough racism in this country and in the minds of people that a person, either through conditioning brought on by direct exposure to racism or by indirectly being taught about racism, is so conditioned that racism is out there, when slighted for anything, their first inclination is to holler racism.
For example I was shopping at Goodwill a couple of weeks ago. It was approaching closing time and those of us in the store were getting up to the register to check out. There were shelves of smaller items close to the register and two older black ladies, myself and a hispanic woman around my age were all taking turns looking at the stuff on these shelves. The cashier was neatening racks nearby and when she saw us all up there, came up to the register and asked if anyone was ready to check out. The hispanic lady and I said no not yet, the one black lady had wandered off and the other indicated she was waiting for her friend to be ready. So the cashier stood there for a bit, asked again if anyone was ready, got no response and went back to the rack she was working on. As she was walking away, the second black lady came back to the register and, to her friend, said "What, is she not going to wait on us or something?". They continued to complain to each other about the announcement that the store was closing ("I wear a watch, I know what time it is"), that the cashier was not there, etc. One aggressively banged the bell on the counter DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING.
The cashier poked her head out from an aisle and said she would be right there. In the couple of minutes it took her to get up there, they continued to rail about it. When the cashier returned, she was followed closely by the other cashier, a young man. The ladies huffed at each other and one asked the cashier "So are YOU going to ring me up or do you need HIM to do it?" The cashier looked slightly confused and said she thought she could handle it. The first lady put her couple of things on the counter, said she wasn't buying them after all. Her friend did the same thing and as they stomped to the door they chattered to each other about how the cashier was racist and had to go get a man to come protect her from the black people.
After they left we all just looked at each other and the cashier said that in actuality she HAD gone to get him - because there was also a man in the store (that left as the ladies were putting their items on the counter) and the last time that man was in the store he had been harassing the cashier and making lewd comments to her. As she was checking me out, she told the hispanic lady behind me that she was again sorry for having taken the lady's cart away while she was in the restroom. The lady jokingly said that the cashier had only done that because she was hispanic. We all laughed, I gathered my stuff and left as she checked out. As I was getting in my car, the two black ladies were just driving away and one screamed out the window at me "REDNECK RACIST BITCH". Now whether she was talking to me or just at the store itself I can't be sure, if at me why? Because I continued with my purchases? If I had thought the ladies were being discriminated against, I would have joined them in declining my purchases. Was it just because I was there? Because I was white? I don't know but either way it only saddened me further.
I feel so sorry for those ladies that either they have experienced so much racism that it is just expected and the only logical explanation for anything that goes wrong in their day or that they have been raised to believe it regardless of how much racism they have directly experienced (I am a realist enough to believe it highly unlikely that they have NEVER experienced racism).
A woman I know, we will call her Matilda, is extremely racist. Matilda's significant other is even worse. He might be Klan, it wouldn't surprise me a bit, I know he knows Klan members. I know this because about 8 or 9 years ago when him and my mom worked together, my uncle was mugged up in Michigan. The boys who did it were black and this guy asked my mom if she wanted him to hook her up with some Klan members to hunt those boys down. Thankfully he no longer works there (was fired after physically threatening my mom but that's another story) but Matilda and my mom are friends despite her racist attitude. And racist she certainly is. Back when I was dating Frankie, mom hated him. I had never dated a black guy before and her and I both thought that racism was in fact raising it's ugly head in our home. It turned out mom hated him for HIM, not because he was black.
Anyways, at the time Matilda certainly helped fuel mom's hatred of him in many ways and helped her in trying to break us up simply because Matilda believes it is absolutely, 100% morally wrong to date outside your own ethnicity (I personally HATE the word "race" as we are all the human race, I know most people consider it to be correct and whether it is or not, I can't bring myself to use it). I guess whether you believe that or not is 100% the issue as much as WHY you believe it or not. Some people believe in "breeding pure" in order to preserve ethnic blood and values and such. It's not that they think any less of others, it's just a matter of being true to your own people I guess. I can see the logic in that I suppose. I don't necessarily agree with it in the way of telling others what to do but if that's what you believe I can't really fault you for following through on it. That's not Matilda's train of thought though. She honestly, 100% believes that white people are superior and that we should not "lower ourselves" to date anyone else. The very idea of it actually sickens her. That sickens me. That level of hatred for other humans. I just can't comprehend and don't understand.
I think that's what gets me the most, what is at the heart of it. Hatred. Why do we so often need to hate SOMEBODY. So many people just seem to need that and I don't understand it. Perhaps it comes down to self love? Maybe Dan at Single Dad Laughing knows. He hasn't talked about racism specifically but he is all about loving each other and trying to make the world a better place by eliminating hatred and the things hatred feeds. Let's join him, shall we?
*edited to clarify that it is not my mom who is horrifically racist*
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Alexis update
Alexis will be admitted on Monday for stem cell transplant. It will be minimum of 6 weeks in the hospital with many rules and precautions as her immune system will be completely wiped out. This is a risky time for her. If you could, please keep her in prayers, thoughts or well wishes, whatever your faith prompts you to do. She will also be undergoing immuno therapy for 9ish months so even though she is in remission, her road to recovery is still a long one. For more information on Alexis please see the previous post Alexis.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Infertility
Sean and I decided in Spring 2008 that we would stop trying to prevent getting pregnant. We weren't going to full on try yet but just "not try not to". By August we were ready to move on to "trying". Two years later we are still trying. After one visit to a women's clinic to rule out thyroid issues and pcos, both of which I was possibly showing symptoms of, I was given a clean bill of health and a bill once it was determined that my insurance doesn't even cover TALKING about fertility issues, let alone actually doing any fertility treatments. Since then we have just plugged along, living our lives and doing what we can on our own to boost fertility chances, hoping that it will happen.
We have talked about fertility treatments. We are naturally minded people who do not go the doctor, do not take drugs or medications unless it is absolutely necessary, we eat as organic and sustainable as we can. We abhor the thought of drugs and procedures and tests and...some say we just don't want to be parents badly enough. My mother actually had the nerve to say it that bluntly to me and then acted like she couldn't figure out why I started crying, hung up the phone on her and wouldn't talk to her for a few weeks. I finally had to break the ice and talk to her again, it wasn't worth losing my mom over but she has never so much as apologised to me. We don't talk about my infertiliy anymore and that upsets me greatly as my mom is one of my best friends and I thought I could talk to her about anything.
Anyways.
I struggle with the fertility treatment issue. It's not just the drug thing or the doctor thing. Our insurance covers nothing as I stated above, I had to pay for the freaking thyroid test because I mentioned messed up cycles as one possible symptom of thyroid problems. We are not rich. We aren't poor, but we aren't rich. We are working very hard to be debt free. We are in gazelle intensity mode. We don't have thousands of dollars to put towards medical treatments. Sure we could get a loan or put it on credit cards but that is what we are trying to get away from, debt. Not that a baby wouldn't be worth it. If the fertility treatments even worked. Did you know that 1 in 5 women with fertility problems never carry a child to term? Regardless of fertility treatments? That's appalling. Scary. So I could go against everything we believe, dig us so far into debt we may never climb out, pump myself full of drugs that will do who knows what to me only to end up 5-10-15 years down the road and still not have a baby. Part of me is willing to take the risks. Sell everything. Borrow what we can. Charge the rest. Anything.
I just want to be a mom.
This isn't me but I found it on Youtube and thought I would share it.
We have talked about fertility treatments. We are naturally minded people who do not go the doctor, do not take drugs or medications unless it is absolutely necessary, we eat as organic and sustainable as we can. We abhor the thought of drugs and procedures and tests and...some say we just don't want to be parents badly enough. My mother actually had the nerve to say it that bluntly to me and then acted like she couldn't figure out why I started crying, hung up the phone on her and wouldn't talk to her for a few weeks. I finally had to break the ice and talk to her again, it wasn't worth losing my mom over but she has never so much as apologised to me. We don't talk about my infertiliy anymore and that upsets me greatly as my mom is one of my best friends and I thought I could talk to her about anything.
Anyways.
I struggle with the fertility treatment issue. It's not just the drug thing or the doctor thing. Our insurance covers nothing as I stated above, I had to pay for the freaking thyroid test because I mentioned messed up cycles as one possible symptom of thyroid problems. We are not rich. We aren't poor, but we aren't rich. We are working very hard to be debt free. We are in gazelle intensity mode. We don't have thousands of dollars to put towards medical treatments. Sure we could get a loan or put it on credit cards but that is what we are trying to get away from, debt. Not that a baby wouldn't be worth it. If the fertility treatments even worked. Did you know that 1 in 5 women with fertility problems never carry a child to term? Regardless of fertility treatments? That's appalling. Scary. So I could go against everything we believe, dig us so far into debt we may never climb out, pump myself full of drugs that will do who knows what to me only to end up 5-10-15 years down the road and still not have a baby. Part of me is willing to take the risks. Sell everything. Borrow what we can. Charge the rest. Anything.
I just want to be a mom.
This isn't me but I found it on Youtube and thought I would share it.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Alexis
This is Alexis
She is my baby sister Katie's daughter. Alexis was born 2/7/2009. In May of 2010 she was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma, a rare form of aggressive cancer in children.Most of the summer of 2010 was spent at Helen DeVos Children's Hospital in Grand Rapids, Michigan as she underwent round after round of chemo, developed c-diff, an infection of the digestive system, and was in and out of isolation.
In September she went through her 6th round of chemo. Afterward she had an MIBG scan to see how much of the cancer remained - it came back CLEAR, SHE IS IN REMISSION!!!! She still has to go through an intensive round of chemo followed by a stem cell transplant and 9ish months of immunotherapy since neuroblastoma is so hard to kill completely and comes back very easily.
Please keep my baby sister, her daughter and the rest of her family in your prayers. Also keep an eye out for updates, they will all be labeled "Alexis" and I will add links at the bottom of this post when I update as well.
She is my baby sister Katie's daughter. Alexis was born 2/7/2009. In May of 2010 she was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma, a rare form of aggressive cancer in children.Most of the summer of 2010 was spent at Helen DeVos Children's Hospital in Grand Rapids, Michigan as she underwent round after round of chemo, developed c-diff, an infection of the digestive system, and was in and out of isolation.
In September she went through her 6th round of chemo. Afterward she had an MIBG scan to see how much of the cancer remained - it came back CLEAR, SHE IS IN REMISSION!!!! She still has to go through an intensive round of chemo followed by a stem cell transplant and 9ish months of immunotherapy since neuroblastoma is so hard to kill completely and comes back very easily.
Please keep my baby sister, her daughter and the rest of her family in your prayers. Also keep an eye out for updates, they will all be labeled "Alexis" and I will add links at the bottom of this post when I update as well.
Update 10/14: http://greenfoley.blogspot.com/2010/10/alexis-update.html
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Eating habits
Ok I am fat and I eat too much, I know that. But that's not what this post is about. This is about wierd things involving food. Like a certain way of eating some foods and a complete neurosis about some foods touching other foods. I know I am not the only one who is wierd about things touching but sometimes I feel like a complete moron when I am grossed out by things.
SYRUP
Syrup should not touch hardly anything out there. I am completely wierded out by this. Things quickly become slimy when contaminated by syrup. Eggs, bacon, sausage, probably lots of other things too. Syrup should really only touch bread type foods that can completely absorb the syrup. Pancakes and waffles and french toast. That's it. I can't think of anything else that it's ok for syrup to touch.
Ok so I am too scatterbrained right now to remember the other examples I was thinking of when I decided to write this post but it's wierd how I have to analyze my meals to make sure certain foods don't touch other certain foods.
The other thing that gave me the idea for this post was how I eat grapefruit. Now I guess I can't say that I actually know how others eat grapefruit, but I always imagine that if anyone watched me eat grapefruit they would think I was off my rocker.
It starts off normal, either peeling it like an orange and pulling apart the sections or quartering it. Here's where it gets odd. I CANNOT eat the membranes around the sections so I must carefully peel the membrane off of one side and eat the pulp out without breaking the pulp and getting all juicy.
Yum. I'm going to finish my grapefruit now.
SYRUP
Syrup should not touch hardly anything out there. I am completely wierded out by this. Things quickly become slimy when contaminated by syrup. Eggs, bacon, sausage, probably lots of other things too. Syrup should really only touch bread type foods that can completely absorb the syrup. Pancakes and waffles and french toast. That's it. I can't think of anything else that it's ok for syrup to touch.
Ok so I am too scatterbrained right now to remember the other examples I was thinking of when I decided to write this post but it's wierd how I have to analyze my meals to make sure certain foods don't touch other certain foods.
The other thing that gave me the idea for this post was how I eat grapefruit. Now I guess I can't say that I actually know how others eat grapefruit, but I always imagine that if anyone watched me eat grapefruit they would think I was off my rocker.
It starts off normal, either peeling it like an orange and pulling apart the sections or quartering it. Here's where it gets odd. I CANNOT eat the membranes around the sections so I must carefully peel the membrane off of one side and eat the pulp out without breaking the pulp and getting all juicy.
Yum. I'm going to finish my grapefruit now.
Monday, July 5, 2010
More on ADD and me
Ok so I have been doing a little more reading (reading blogs, reading about supplements, researching) and took a test -
Results of your Attention Deficit Disorder Quiz
You scored a total of 96
It is highly likely that you are presently suffering from adult attention deficit disorder, according to your responses on this self-report questionnaire. You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional immediately.
S C O R I N G K E Y
If you scored... You may have...
70 & up Adult ADHD
50 - 69 Moderate ADHD
35 - 49 Mild ADHD
25 - 34 Borderline ADHD
0 - 24 No ADHD likely
Soooo...yeah. Not a professional diagnoses but another key to the puzzle that is my brain. Now to figure out what to do about it.
Results of your Attention Deficit Disorder Quiz
You scored a total of 96
It is highly likely that you are presently suffering from adult attention deficit disorder, according to your responses on this self-report questionnaire. You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional immediately.
S C O R I N G K E Y
If you scored... You may have...
70 & up Adult ADHD
50 - 69 Moderate ADHD
35 - 49 Mild ADHD
25 - 34 Borderline ADHD
0 - 24 No ADHD likely
Soooo...yeah. Not a professional diagnoses but another key to the puzzle that is my brain. Now to figure out what to do about it.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
I must be ADD
So a few years ago I read something that made me suspect I might have been ADD for most of my life. What it was I have no idea but I did some reading after that and decided that it really fit. I didn't, however, do anything about it other than periodically say to myself "Yep, I have GOT to be ADD".
I have spent the last few nights reading a blog and she mentions periodically that she has ADD. Tonight I read her post about ADD and consequently followed links to other blogs about being ADD and now I have 15,000 web pages/tabs open, all which feel like these people, both the bloggers themselves and the many, many people commenting, are living inside my head. Especially...I was going to....now I need to...STOP.
Sorry.
Part of the reason I haven't done very many blog posts is not so much that I can't think of anything to write about or think of anything to say, it's the fact that I always have so much running through my brain in such a disjointed mess that trying to pick a topic and actually stick to one train of thought long enough to write a post feels impossibly overwhelming the majority of the time.
One person mentioned something about ADD people talking too much or something. I tend to be the opposite. Since I have trouble forming complete thoughts I just keep my trap shut. I guess the saying my grandma had hanging in one of the spare bedrooms when I was a child made an impression on me. It said "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt". I have heard variations of that saying many times throughout my life but the first was an old, weathered looking yellowish plaque that in my mind I can still see hanging on the wall.
It's one reason I have never enjoyed arguing or debating. I HATED the debate portion of my public speaking class even more than I hated the public speaking class to begin with. Even with notes in front of me (and who has those during a real life argument?) I can't keep track of the argument. Half the time I can't keep track of my own side of the argument, let alone be able to process and appropriately react to the other side. I have been known to start an argument on one side of the fence, lose track of what the conversation is about, follow my train of thought and end up finishing the conversation thinking I did good. A few minutes later the realization hits that somewhere in there I switched trains and ended up arguing the wrong side of the conversation. This is where my ability to see both sides of an argument gets me into trouble, I can literally talk myself into changing my mind. Very annoying.
I am going to go do some more reading and see if I can figure out any way to maybe make a difference in myself. I don't know if it's ADD or high functioning autism (which I have also had reason to suspect), at times I have thought perhaps manic depression or bi-polar. There's definitely something going on and I'm having a hard time with it again.
It's why I am having such a hard time at work, I get so overwhelmed feeling and frustrated. The stupid thing is that I was reprimanded for getting too stressed out by the customers but what I was unable to say at the time was that it really isn't the customers themselves that stress me out so bad. They can be difficult and frustrating, sure but mostly they are fine. It's simply the fact that the phones never freaking shut up. Ok not never, but when we get a rush going and I hang up the phone and before I can even get my screens set back to be ready for the next call it's already ringing again and I get apprehensive even after being there for almost 3 years and being GOOD at my job I still get super nervous sometimes that WHAT IF I don't have a clue how to help this person. It does happen but not that often. Well, no, actually now that I am on tech support it happens much more regularly which is part of why I get so stressed when I see it's a tech support call. I have never felt so stupid in my life as I have since I started having to do tech support.
Ugh sorry about that. This was not supposed to be a post about work, I don't even like talking about work. I let my mouth get away from me several years ago about a job I had and it haunts me to this day how it turned out. As a rule I don't let myself talk about work like this. Maybe I should just delete the whole last paragraph. Let me read it and see what I said, then I will decide.....Ok well I guess I didn't say anything bad, but I will not say anything more.
Anyways, what I was saying when I went off on a tangent about work is that things have been good for quite a while now but lately I feel like I am struggling more and more with myself, trying to keep things under control and not doing a very good job of it. I can't seem to be the person I really want to be, not just in how I think but the control I have over what I do. I am so tired all the time but I don't think it has anything to do with needing sleep or actually being tired, I think the stress just overwhelms me and the only way I can get away from it is to sleep. *sigh* I don't know. I need to figure something out, I know, but that in itself is part of the problem. Keeping one train of thought going long enough to figure out what to do. We'll see what I can do.
Here's a couple of the blogs I looked at tonight that rang oh so true to me.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2009/10/i-am-not-drug-addict-so-stop-thinking.html Mostly on the building up nerves about doing stuff, losing track of time and getting nothing done, holy crap is that me. Ask my poor husband. I *want* to do stuff, I *want* to do housework, go to the gym, eat good, but somehow it just all ends up out the window and leaving me sitting there wondering what happened to the day.
http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/06/23/where-are-my-keys-i-lost-my-phone/ omg yes on the losing shit. Or simply forgetting things. I rarely make it anywhere with everything I intended to take with me. I have been known to get a bag of stuff ready to take to work with me, HANG IT ON THE DOOR KNOB, have to TOUCH it to open the door to leave and yet still manage to make it out of the house without it.
http://isabelthespy.tumblr.com/post/704496674/add-is - uhhh, just yeah.
http://the-xtina.livejournal.com/1544665.html - Yeah, again, losing and forgetting shit gets OLD.
I have spent the last few nights reading a blog and she mentions periodically that she has ADD. Tonight I read her post about ADD and consequently followed links to other blogs about being ADD and now I have 15,000 web pages/tabs open, all which feel like these people, both the bloggers themselves and the many, many people commenting, are living inside my head. Especially...I was going to....now I need to...STOP.
Sorry.
Part of the reason I haven't done very many blog posts is not so much that I can't think of anything to write about or think of anything to say, it's the fact that I always have so much running through my brain in such a disjointed mess that trying to pick a topic and actually stick to one train of thought long enough to write a post feels impossibly overwhelming the majority of the time.
One person mentioned something about ADD people talking too much or something. I tend to be the opposite. Since I have trouble forming complete thoughts I just keep my trap shut. I guess the saying my grandma had hanging in one of the spare bedrooms when I was a child made an impression on me. It said "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt". I have heard variations of that saying many times throughout my life but the first was an old, weathered looking yellowish plaque that in my mind I can still see hanging on the wall.
It's one reason I have never enjoyed arguing or debating. I HATED the debate portion of my public speaking class even more than I hated the public speaking class to begin with. Even with notes in front of me (and who has those during a real life argument?) I can't keep track of the argument. Half the time I can't keep track of my own side of the argument, let alone be able to process and appropriately react to the other side. I have been known to start an argument on one side of the fence, lose track of what the conversation is about, follow my train of thought and end up finishing the conversation thinking I did good. A few minutes later the realization hits that somewhere in there I switched trains and ended up arguing the wrong side of the conversation. This is where my ability to see both sides of an argument gets me into trouble, I can literally talk myself into changing my mind. Very annoying.
I am going to go do some more reading and see if I can figure out any way to maybe make a difference in myself. I don't know if it's ADD or high functioning autism (which I have also had reason to suspect), at times I have thought perhaps manic depression or bi-polar. There's definitely something going on and I'm having a hard time with it again.
It's why I am having such a hard time at work, I get so overwhelmed feeling and frustrated. The stupid thing is that I was reprimanded for getting too stressed out by the customers but what I was unable to say at the time was that it really isn't the customers themselves that stress me out so bad. They can be difficult and frustrating, sure but mostly they are fine. It's simply the fact that the phones never freaking shut up. Ok not never, but when we get a rush going and I hang up the phone and before I can even get my screens set back to be ready for the next call it's already ringing again and I get apprehensive even after being there for almost 3 years and being GOOD at my job I still get super nervous sometimes that WHAT IF I don't have a clue how to help this person. It does happen but not that often. Well, no, actually now that I am on tech support it happens much more regularly which is part of why I get so stressed when I see it's a tech support call. I have never felt so stupid in my life as I have since I started having to do tech support.
Ugh sorry about that. This was not supposed to be a post about work, I don't even like talking about work. I let my mouth get away from me several years ago about a job I had and it haunts me to this day how it turned out. As a rule I don't let myself talk about work like this. Maybe I should just delete the whole last paragraph. Let me read it and see what I said, then I will decide.....Ok well I guess I didn't say anything bad, but I will not say anything more.
Anyways, what I was saying when I went off on a tangent about work is that things have been good for quite a while now but lately I feel like I am struggling more and more with myself, trying to keep things under control and not doing a very good job of it. I can't seem to be the person I really want to be, not just in how I think but the control I have over what I do. I am so tired all the time but I don't think it has anything to do with needing sleep or actually being tired, I think the stress just overwhelms me and the only way I can get away from it is to sleep. *sigh* I don't know. I need to figure something out, I know, but that in itself is part of the problem. Keeping one train of thought going long enough to figure out what to do. We'll see what I can do.
Here's a couple of the blogs I looked at tonight that rang oh so true to me.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2009/10/i-am-not-drug-addict-so-stop-thinking.html Mostly on the building up nerves about doing stuff, losing track of time and getting nothing done, holy crap is that me. Ask my poor husband. I *want* to do stuff, I *want* to do housework, go to the gym, eat good, but somehow it just all ends up out the window and leaving me sitting there wondering what happened to the day.
http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/06/23/where-are-my-keys-i-lost-my-phone/ omg yes on the losing shit. Or simply forgetting things. I rarely make it anywhere with everything I intended to take with me. I have been known to get a bag of stuff ready to take to work with me, HANG IT ON THE DOOR KNOB, have to TOUCH it to open the door to leave and yet still manage to make it out of the house without it.
http://isabelthespy.tumblr.com/post/704496674/add-is - uhhh, just yeah.
http://the-xtina.livejournal.com/1544665.html - Yeah, again, losing and forgetting shit gets OLD.
I want to blog!
So do so, right? I know, lame. But hey.
So I ran across this blogger the other day -
She is so funny! She's really inspiring me to want to blog. Not that I could ever be half as entertaining as her. What I need to do is find some way to get some ideas on what to write about. That's half of my problem. Let me work on that...
So I ran across this blogger the other day -
She is so funny! She's really inspiring me to want to blog. Not that I could ever be half as entertaining as her. What I need to do is find some way to get some ideas on what to write about. That's half of my problem. Let me work on that...
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