Doctors and lack of communication

On May 17th we went to see a new doctor for my annual and to discuss our fertility journey. I wasn't horribly pleased with the outcome of the visit even though I really liked the dr herself, I just didn't feel confident that we were making a whole lot of forward progress as far as checking to see what was going on. She gave us a prescription for Clomid and wanted me to have some bloodwork done. Beyond that my instructions were to use opk's to confirm ovulation and...well that was it. Beyond a vague gameplan of what we were overall doing (get an egg, have somewhere for it to go and something to fertilize it with) that was it. I came away hoping the round of Clomid did it's job and we got pregnant so I wouldn't have to try to figure out what to do next.

At the time of the appointment AF was already a few days late. I came back in for bloodwork on the 23rd and still no sign of AF. Finally she reared her ugly head on the 26th which was cycle day 46, longer than any cycle I had had in quite a while. I had not yet heard back the results of the bloodwork so I called the clinic and said I wanted to check on the results of my bloodwork, wanted the dr to know that my cycle had been 46 days long and if that information, along with anything in the bloodwork, indicated a different gameplan than starting Clomid on the 29th. The nurse (or receptionist or whoever called me back) pulled up my chart, said the dr had "signed off" off on my bloodwork and therefor, yes, go ahead and start the Clomid.

Well the Clomid did it's job. I had some pretty big hot flashes for 4 of the 5 days I was on it and, right on schedule, the opk's agreed with my temps regarding ovulation and I even had ovulation cramps! First of all this was my first positive opk EVER and also my clearest temperature shift. We were stoked! We did what was necessary and then waited the most agonizing two weeks (my first official 2ww ever since I've never had any signs of ovulation, therefore no specific time period of "this could be it"). My temps climbed and climbed for 12 days, then started dropping and AF showed up right on time. :(

Sean and I talked about what to do next and decided to go ahead with round two of the Clomid and see if maybe we should get an appointment for near the end of the cycle to either confirm pregnancy or discuss where to go from here. This was a few days ago. I started the Clomid on Monday.

Today is Wednesday. This morning I awoke at 8:30 to my phone ringing. It was the clinic, calling to inform me that the bloodwork I had done showed a sky high dhea level "which is common with pcos" (wtf?? I was under the impression that, other than symptoms, nothing was pointing at pcos?? When exactly did pcos come back into the picture??) and that the dr wanted me to come in for another bloodwork to recheck and, if it's still elevated, schedule a ct scan of my adrenal gland.

Now I am not the most with it person on the planet when you wake me up and all I could do was pretty much nod and grunt. It wasn't until well after I got off the phone that my brain woke up and had some questions.

#1 WHY THE FUCK DID IT TAKE A MONTH TO TELL ME MY BLOODWORK SHOWED A PROBLEM??? ***ESPECIALLY*** since said problem is something I mentioned in the original appointment had shown up on previous bloodwork but it hadn't gotten any attention AND I CALLED IN TO ASK ABOUT THE RESULTS OF MY BLOODWORK??? Why wasn't I told THEN that something was off and further testing needed to be done?

#2 Back to the pcos. The nurse on the phone implied I had pcos so this elevated dhea level was no surprise. I have never been diagnosed with pcos. In fact we specifically discussed at the appointment that while I have classic symptoms of pcos, no testing had shown any indications of it at all and that she would be specifically checking the bloodwork results for indications and I was sent home with the prescription for Clomid to take "unless the bloodwork showed signs of pcos in which case we would go in a different direction".

So after stewing on it today and talking to Sean tonight, tomorrow I need to call the clinic and find out what the hell is actually going on. I was not happy about starting the Clomid to begin with, I am so NOT pleased at the possibility of having started it not only once but am half way through the second round, if something else is awry that makes the Clomid pointless at this time. I hate doctors. Why couldn't my body just do it's fucking job and get pregnant so I didn't have to deal with them.

New Blog and more

I started a separate blog for my knitting. I think I will probably also separate out the posts on this blog a bit by interest...maybe. I am working on organizing my life a bit and am finding that compartmentalizing things a bit more tends to keep me on track a little more.

I set up a Facebook page to discuss being crunchy, infertile and lots of other parenting things. Look me up, the page is The Crunchy Infertile.

I started the knitting blog, simply called Greenfoley Knits. I know, imaginative, eh? I have posted a few times and intend to at least attempt to keep up with my knitting and other crafting endeavors on there.

I know I got sidetracked on the circumcision posts but I found that the circumcision fight has been stressing me out pretty badly and decided that, for the sake of my sanity and in the interest of reducing the amount of stress in my world I decided I need to take a break from the debates and, subsequently, the researching for the posts. I still read a little here and there and still spread the word where I can in hopes of saving more baby boys but I have left the debates and fights alone. I haven't even been going to the pages and forums where the debates take place. If the question pops up on FB asking views, I state mine and move on, I don't even usually come back to check on the thread because I simply can't handle it. Not right now. I have enough trouble keeping my sanity through this infertility journey, I simply can't handle the overwhelming emotions that the circumcision debates fuel in me. I can't. So to the little boys out there who's parents might have had their mind changed had I been involved, I am sorry.

Circumcision - "It's necessary for health reasons"

It is certainly worthwhile to note that the majority of the world does not routinely circumcise infant boys. In fact the USA is the only country that circumcises infant boys for non-religous reasons. The couple of other countries with higher (higher in general, USA has the higest circumcision rates) circumcision rates, infants are only circumcised for religious reasons and often boys are cut when they are older either as a coming of age ritual, for religious reasons or at puberty for the supposed std benefits. If the foreskin caused as many problems as pro-circ'ers claim, why are 80% of the men elsewhere in the world intact and perfectly happy to be so?

Supposed health benefits to circumcision -

• A decreased risk of urinary tract infections.  
• This is actually close to the opposite of the truth. One major function of the foreskin is to protect the glans from infection by both covering the glans and by producing smegma which has antibacterial properties. By removing the foreskin, this shield is removed and bacteria has easier access to the urinary tract.
• The majority of urinary tract infections are easily treatable with antibiotics or natural remedies
• Females have much higher rates of uti's than do males across the board, any age group, whether males are cut or intact (the exception being that circumcised infant boys have a much higher rate of uti than males of any other age or females of any age - it is generally accepted that this is due to the trauma to the penis during surgery, general infections to the surgery site contaminating the diaper and that the boys "grow out of it" once their body adjusts to no longer having the foreskin as protection). Going back to the "cleaner" post, our solution for women is not to cut up their genitals, why should this be the answer for men?
• The commonly quoted statistic is that uti's occur in 0.1% of males and that circumcision "prevents" one percent of uti's. This means that for every 1,000 boys, circumcision is said to prevent 11. So we cut off 989 foreskins for no good reason because the 11 we "saved" 
• #1 may never have gotten a uti to begin with had his foreskin been left in place to protect him
• #2 could have been treated with much less drastic measures than amputation

• A reduced risk of sexually transmitted diseases in men.
• IMO all the arguments both supporting and debunking research and studies regarding std/hiv rates in circumcised vs. intact males is COMPLETELY irrelevant. I know of no newborn boy out screwing around, contracting and passing std's on to their partners. If a young man is too irresponsible to use protection when he comes of age and chooses to believe that getting circumcised is going to protect him, I fully support his decision to get cut at that time. Until then this argument is irrelevant.
• (for those of you who may be tempted to argue the "It's better when cut as an infant" please hold that thought and save it for the next installment of this series)

• Protection against penile cancer and a reduced risk of cervical cancer in female sex partners.
• Obviously removing the foreskin will prevent cancer of the foreskin but it does not prevent cancer of the penis in general
• Penile cancer statistics are pretty even among circumcised vs. intact men
• Penile cancer is more rare than male breast cancer - do we remove mammary tissue from infant boys to prevent future breast cancer?
• Breast cancer in males is minuscule compared to breast cancer in women - do we remove mammary tissue in infant girls to prevent future breast cancer?
• Cervical cancer in female partners - see above section on std's.

• Prevention of balanitis (inflammation of the glans) and balanoposthitis (inflammation of the glans and foreskin).
• and
• Prevention of phimosis (the inability to retract the foreskin) and paraphimosis (the inability to return the foreskin to its original location).
• Both of these are legitimate problems. However
• They are treatable with much less extreme measures than amputation
• They are rare to the point that, in countries that do not regularly circumcise, less than 2% of males experience problems so severe that circumcision is deemed necessary.
• It is also worthwhile to note that these problems, as well as the ever popular "infections" that are cited as reasons to circumcise baby boys, are caused by
• Forcible retraction
• As mentioned in the "It's Cleaner" post, at birth the foreskin is fused to the glans much like the fingernail is fused to the finger. As the boy grows up, his foreskin should naturally release anywhere between 2yrs to puberty. If forced apart before ready, many problems occur including balantitis, balanoposthitis, phimosis, adhesions, infections, damage to the foreskin which certainly might only be fixed by surgeries down the line and sexual dysfunction in adulthood.
• Improper hygiene
• A boy who does not wash is going to have problems whether he is intact or cut. Teaching him to wash is the best solution. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, if he would rather have his foreskin amputated than wash it, I think he's slightly messed up but, hey, it's his body, it's his choice.

Next up - "It's better to have it done while they are infants than to have to do it as an adult"

Circumcision - "It's cleaner"

One of the most common reasons given for circumcising or supporting circumcision is "It's cleaner". To me this is a big cop out.

This is like admitting at birth that you intend to not teach your son to wash his penis.

• During infancy an intact penis has the foreskin fused to the glans like your fingernail is fused to your finger. Sure, if someone (and there are misinformed doctors, nurses and others who may try to do this - it is your job as a parent to be informed enough and paying enough attention to stop them) forcibly retracts the foreskin before it is ready then there will be many many issues, but as long as the foreskin is fused, no special care is needed. 
• "When intact, do not retract"
• "Only clean what is seen"
• I know I would rather care for an intact penis that you wash like a finger than to deal with fresh and healing wounds in a diaper - even after initial healing parents must continue to closely monitor the surgery site to prevent adhesions forming which will need medical care to fix, possibly even another surgery (or two or three or....my cousin mentioned he recently had to have some adhesions removed that were forming - he is over 40yrs old!)
•  Once the foreskin naturally releases (can happen anytime from age 2-adolescence) and is able to retract, all that is needed is to retract, rinse and replace to keep clean. 
• I can't speak for this one, not having had a brother, grown up with boys nor have a boy of my own but many moms respond to "teaching son to wash penis" with a laugh, saying "Yeah, TRY to get a young boy to ignore his penis, especially in the shower"
• Don't all penis' need washing? A great quote I heard recently - "If he's having hygiene issues from not washing his penis, he probably doesn't wash his ass either"
•  Do we pull their teeth to prevent tooth decay? Do we cut off their ears to prevent having to wash behind them? Why is washing the penis so difficult that it's better to cut off part of it than wash it? I DON'T UNDERSTAND??
• Girls have more folds and crevices to keep clean and yet no one is lobbying for baby girls to get trimmed up for cleanliness issues, why is that (please note, I am not suggesting we do so).
• Also try mentioning that women smell because of these folds and see how popular you are, why is it ok to say that about men???

I'm pretty sure I had more points but, so as not to overwhelm anyone, I will stop here. Feel free to comment!

Circumcision

Back in 2007 when Sean and I first got together and were talking about someday having kids, we naturally were talking about the kind of parents we wanted to be and our views on different aspects of parenting. Our conversation was almost a word association type conversation in which we basically just brought up a subject, said whether we were for or against or whatever and on to the next one. Since we agreed on about everything there wasn't much actual discussion, just agreement of views. Breastfeeding? Yep. Natural birth? As natural as you want. Vaccines? Nope. Spanking? Nope. Circumcision? Nope. Schooling? Ok so that one's not really yes or no and I actually don't think we talked about it in that conversation. That one has morphed around a bit and we are somewhere between homeschooling and unschooling in our thoughts at this point although we obviously have plenty of time so work that one out since we can't even manage to get pregnant yet.

One thing I am grateful of on this journey of infertility is that it has given me time to learn so much about the parent I want to be. While I haven't really changed my beliefs too much, I think the last 3 years of reading and learning has solidified some views and loosened others. I think I won't be stumbling around as a new mom quite as much as I would have been had we gotten pregnant as soon as we started trying. I never thought of myself as afraid of controversy or of being a person who would perhaps falter under the pressure of people with dissenting views but I know now that I think I *would* have had some problems standing up for what I believe in for my child. I now know that I am strong enough to stand up for myself and my child and to defend, if needed, my views on parenting.

One point of view that has sort of changed has been my views on circumcision. At the time of that conversation I knew I didn't want *my* son circumcised, but was of the "It's up to the parents" mindset. The more I have learned over the last few years, and the last few months in particular, I no longer believe it should be up to the parents. It should be up to HIM. It's HIS penis, what right does anyone, even a parent, have to cut part of it off? Why is this cosmetic surgery acceptable when any other cosmetic surgery for an infant illegal?

Well, I didn't want to go into it hard and heavy in this post. I actually meant for this post to be a short intro for a series of posts in which I am going to talk about the different reasons parents decide to circumcise their son(s). I can't promise to be nice and I am certainly aware that not everyone is going to agree. My intent in doing this series is NOT to attack, belittle or judge parents who have circumcised their boys, but rather to make them think about the pros, cons, benefits, risks and ramifications of this surgery before they make that decision again. After all, the vast majority of parents want to be good parents and want to do what's best for their child. I honestly believe that and believe that the majority of parents who circumcise do so because they honestly believe it is the best decision. I am all about making educated choices whether your choice agrees with mine or not. For most things, in parenting and in life, I will support a person's choice whether I think it's the right choice or not, as long as it's an educated choice and not a "going with the flow" choice. I do admit that circumcision is where I draw the line on this simply because, like I stated above, it IS a choice, it SHOULD BE a choice - HIS choice.

So anyways, before I have alienated everyone and also covered enough ground to make the series itself irrelevant, I will shut up now. Keep an eye out for the first installment - "It's Cleaner".

I Would Die for That

Kellie Coffey's wonderful song and video "I Would Die For That"